It's one of those days where things feel a bit... off. I have to say that the week was productive and I'm glad that it was. Still working on the first Freelance Friday post along with moving forward consistently when it comes to writing and many other things that are on the go but it almost feels like I've made no headway.
You know me by now and most of the time there is always something I'm excited to say especially at this time of year but I feel heavy in the head today. There is so much going on destructively around me and that is the heavy part, it's not that the weight of it is directed at me but I feel it none the less in the people around me going through tough things... sort of out of balance.
Where things that end will bring about new beginnings, the ending parts are like they've been put in bold print on neon signs, advertising the end is coming. So big that no one sees any chance of inner mental survival. Now again this isn't me... at least this time and it that I'm feeling it from others in my life right now, though for many different reasons. Their sadness is loud as much as their anger ever was. The ones that don't get angry outwardly hold it in and it sits like a black cloud over head while they smile and try to make you think everything is ok.
Kind of like with the eclipse last night, the shadow that passes over you is only temporary and I want so much for them to see that, unfortunately just like with everything else they will see it in their own time. I say what I can and do what I can but whatever is in their hearts and their minds is all that matters because sometimes as much as you want your words to help someone along, the only thing they can do is sort it out for themselves even if in some cases they go through it over and over again expecting different results, praying that things will work out and go back to how they used to be before the damage, having to get rid of things that you love because you have no other choice, being stuck inside your own head fighting with your emotions and the whole time feeling alone in it all. I have been guilty of that, no surprise there.
I'm not so cliche to say something like 'Time heals all wounds' because personally I can't stand the phrase. Most of the time it doesn't feel like it will ever get better and I've had more than one of those moments many, many times.
It never really goes away it just sits in the backseat staring at you ominously through the rear view mirror just letting you know it's still there. For myself I can shift that focus when it happens to me and kick my own ass into gear because I refuse to look into the rear view anymore. I know it's not perfect but I pull over and kick whatever it is out on the side of the road and drive away. I had to learn that nothing can be done about the past, it can't be re-written, it can be grieved though and little by little you need to get back to who you are and who you can be.
I feel it and hope that there is something that can make you feel better.
Something that makes you remember that there is a reason why your still important at least to me and this is the only time I'm saying it because what I think doesn't really matter, what you think does and it's your peace of mind that needs to be addressed and handled by you.
I'm just going to keep driving just let me know when you want in on the road trip.
Have a good week.