This random Thursday I felt the urge to share with you the events of yesterday because it actually rattled me a lot more than I thought it did at the time.
When I get into Downtown Vancouver I have a few blocks to walk to work after I get off my bus. As I walked that towards my office I turned a corner and ran directly into police tape. A quick look to the right an there was a body in the road. It was covered already thank goodness and it took a second to realize that I was being re-directed back the way I came and back around the block.
The next thing I noticed was that there were only 2 police cars, coroner and someone taking photos of the scene. it seemed oddly quiet and light of presence. I got upstairs and some of the ladies were looking out the window speculating on what happened but nothing said seemed to fit what we were looking at. I have never seen a body covered or not outside of family members that passed suddenly and that was no picnic either those memories stay with you when you tried to help and couldn't, but what I saw yesterday layered a level of sadness on top of the shock.
Our receptionist is lightning quick and found only one little blip about what happened and it was possible that it was a suicide which would explain the lack of presence and the eerie quiet. I never claim to understand how or why people commit suicide but the see that and then hear the possible cause makes me curious as to what was so bad that ending your life was the only course of action.
This isn't official yet, just what we've heard so far.
One of my girls fights with anxiety and depression everyday and she's usually pretty good but we had an incident recently where her thoughts turned that way and thank goodness she turned to me. I know that for her sometimes when altering her meds, suicidal thoughts are a side effect but when she tells me that she feels like a burden and feels like her not being here would make my life easier. I honestly want to shake her and then hold her so tight and never let her go. So I told her that her not being here would make my life harder not easier. My girls are my heart and soul and I can't survive myself without either of them. I would be a very dark person if I lost one or god forbid both of them.
So she hates it when I'm mad at her and that is like never...and really everyone hates it when I'm mad period so I told her that I would be very upset and angry if she ever left me like that especially thinking it would be better for me.
Yes I guilted my child, I won't apologize for that and I made her laugh when I said it so we're good.
I'm glad to say though that she is feeling better now. I just had to get it out of my head because I usually like to keep things pretty light here and yet every now and then there is a serious note. Yesterday with the unknown man in the road it made me think.
Alright I'm done now.
See Ya
S
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