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Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Taking It Easy's going to be short and sweet...

All I can say is that I have a lot to think about and a lot to do. I'm trying to make sure I do the right things and you know be responsible and shit. Which I am (most of the time)!

Stress level is getting too high and that's never a good thing even on a normal basis. Crohn's disease makes it less of a good thing. When I start to feel those twinges of pain and a loss of appetite that I know are caused by stress I know I have to gear down before I get to the point where it will be harder to turn it back. The funny thing is that most of the time I forget I have it because I've been in Remission for so long.

Intense anger kicks it into gear right away once the adrenaline wears off.

Food triggers will have me down and out for about 3 days but those are few and far between.

Stress...well that's the tricky one but I usually have a handle on that one too. I don't freak out or lose my mind. I'll get annoyed and push it aside, I accept what's happening and try not to let it weigh me down...wait I don't let it I pretty much refuse. Hold me back in some cases temporarily but not weigh me down. When there's that one person you REALLY want to talk to but you can't because they don't know what to say or they just don't care and if they don't then why do you want to talk to them?

So that's what's going to happen.

As the days rolled on I thought alot about my last post and the Beast and about how I said it was full, which it is... I was imagining what it would look like because the tattoo thing stuck with me and  I almost think that acknowledging it is what made the twinges start as I filtered through everything it's full of ...and there is too much...crap. I can completely understand how people snap.

I laugh alot, I have good days and quiet ones I very rarely have bad days. Bad moments, sure but who doesn't?  I have plans and goals and responsibilities along with every other person and you never realize how many little things can build up and how big things blow up when you don't even notice it's there!

So that being said I will still be here every week although my posts might not start off the week because being here...helps believe it or not.

One day someone will tell me "It's all going to be ok."

I also never realized how many times I say that to other people.


Ok get out of here.

See Ya!

Monday, September 19, 2016

The Beast On My Shoulder

Hello Lovelies!

I'm back from Vacation and as usual when I'm on Vaca I'm on it from everything. I use Facebook minimally, I disappear from the Twitterverse, Blogging and Instagram...well Instagram gets used a bit but besides that it's like going dark.

Let there be light again!

It was a relaxed week. I rode when I could and still have issues that I'm frustrated with myself over though. I accomplished a few things that I was determined to do around the house while I was off but there is so much more to do and organize. I got my tattoo done so that makes #5, My PS4 got some usage as my gamer girl kicked in and with Choo in Edmonton on that weekend I slept smack in the middle of the bed and ate Sherbet for dinner, in bed, right out of the tub while binge watching Scream and Dominion and it was GLORIOUS!

My first thought was just to post on Tuesday and get it out there but instead I decided to wait and fill up with my thoughts with...wait for it...FALL! Yes I know there are still a couple of weeks left of Summer but Fall is my favourite season and the weather has been changing, the air has been changing, kids going back to school everything screams Autumn with coziness and comfort foods and not waking up in the middle of the night covered in sweat.


Let's pull to a screeching halt now...

I started this post around 2 weeks ago, Now I could have hit the backspace button but it's Monday and so far kind of awful so I decided screw it, why go back?

I hadn't realized that it had been so long since I was here last. Last Monday I was home sick and stuck in bed for 2 days. My laptop was beside me but I had no energy to make my brain or fingers work. So now feeling better with Fall coming only 3 days away my nesting season has kicked into gear. Fall is when I feel crafty and comforted and with the ups and downs my family has had in the past few weeks I have decided to fully throw my attention into projects that I have yet to finish as well as those I have to begin. ( I think I say this every year. )

I've been annoyed and angry, emotional and heartbroken and with each occurrence I find more and more that I have to tell myself to breathe, let it go and not hang onto it.

Ok so I can do that but it feels like those emotions of late are just kind of left hanging there like a hazy cloud right behind me, not in my way but just there. Maybe that's because I haven't been filtering them through adequately? On some days I feel a bit lost, like I've lost control of some inner beast that keeps me level. I call it a beast because it takes on the things that I have no control over or have to move on from... and although it consumes those stresses, it lives to protect me from them. ( Sorry writers imagination. No less true though. )

Having Chrons' Disease taught me early on that stress is the worst thing for me so over the course of my life it's been fed alot and in turn I've stayed in remission.

After a weekend of putting things into perspective and organizing the day to day I feel back on track and yet I had no real idea of how much stuff I actually have to do! Thank goodness I have help for the big stuff.

That brings me back to today and it's raining and I was wet, late for work and there was no coffee but that's over, coffee in hand and words written has made me content for now.

While I'm feeling confident and determined to put everything together, my beast sits on my shoulder curled up with one eye open waiting to be fed some more, but it's gotten fat over the past few weeks so I think a diet is in order.

And I think I just found my next tattoo...

Have a great week guys!

See Ya