I'm one of those people that never settles.
Not in a my way or the highway type of way but in the way where I'm content, yet not content, passive yet impassive if that makes any sense at all. I continually work in a frazzled capacity not so much that I'm stressed out ( that's where the passive comes in ), sometimes I'm mildly anxious but always multi-tasking in some way, shape or form. Yet everything is set up into separate compartments based on a commonality and then I task myself with something out of each one.
Just reading that made me confused.
There are things I want at the top of my list! Others can wait until I deem them necessary, some drive me nuts that I can't get them completed faster but there is something missing so that task is sidelined.
Why can't things be easy? Simply because it wouldn't be worth it if it was right?
The struggle it seems is prioritizing but how do you prioritize when things have no rhyme or reason most days? Besides going to work there is no routine in my day to day life and most definitely not in my thought patterns. I can't seem to put things straight and as you guys have heard from me before, this is an ongoing thing so I should just accept the chaos right? Why over think it, I am who I am and do things the way I do!
Acceptance is the key so how can I go wrong?
I mean I'm never one to think I should be a certain way. I entertain thoughts of being you know the soccer mom or the party girl or a kick ass, gun toting mystery woman ( avid reader here ). In the end though I could never be the soccer mom (tried but Sese didn't last), the party girl ( I would much rather do something else ), the KAGTMW ( well she exists in whatever book I'm reading ). When someone says "You need to love yourself for who you are." Well...who am I? I know who other people think I am but who am I to me?
A question I don't even think about most days. I don't dwell on it when I do, sometimes it just creeps in there, I acknowledge it and send it away with a "Ya does it matter?" and the question goes away for a while like a change in the seasons.
For the most part I'm happy, I love my family, have great friends, a life that's been a struggle mainly because I made it that way in some areas but I'm here alive and well. I mean sure life could be more exciting, it's up to me to make that happen though. This years theme has been to Focus and for my brain focusing is HARD! Unless I set my sights on something and I'm obsessed for a while... I have a couple of those something's right now.
All in all life is good even amid the chaos of my mind. Yet I'm still the quiet one...
Not much longer before my vacation starts and we're off to our haunted destination. I reminded BU that the Blonde with matching underwear always dies first but right now her hair is red and as long as she mis-matches her undergarments we're good. She said she won't question my logic though and if I say it's time to leave then we'll set the road on fire to get out of there.
I'm so glad she understands me!
Vacation Countdown has begun...